and we'll live a long life
by LRRH17
Summary: When Rey heals him on Kef Bir, Ben has a vision of the future. He and Rey must work together to prevent it from coming true. [TROS fix-it]


**A/N: Originally posted on AO3, for ReyloTrashCompactor (NextToSomething), as a part of the Reylo Fanfiction Anthology's Valentine's Day Exchange. I had a great time participating! Thanks for reading!**

* * *

"The ghosts that we knew will flicker from view, and we'll live a long life."  
-Mumford and Sons, "Ghosts that We Knew"

* * *

So this is how he dies – red plasma igniting inside of him, a fiery tear ripping straight through his heart.

Just like his father.

He barely registers the look of shock on Rey's face as he falls to the ground. He'd always known that, one day, his compassion for her would kill him. He just didn't expect _her_ to actually kill him.

It's a fitting end, in a way. He deserves far worse. At least she will be the last thing he sees. The Force can be merciful like that, sometimes.

But then she is crouching at his side, one hand splayed across his belt. Through the pain, a series of images flashes before his eyes at her touch.

Seeing his father, forgiveness in his eyes, his hand on Ben's cheek. Flinging his lightsaber into the sea. Shedding every piece of himself that is Kylo Ren, racing to Rey on Exegol, his heart pounding. Becoming so connected – so _bonded_ to her – that they fight their way to each other, Luke's lightsaber in his hand, his mother's in Rey's. Facing Palpatine. Falling. Tumbling down the rock wall, end over end, until he is a bruised and bloody mess at the bottom of it all.

Feeling Rey's life force, as bright as a binary beacon, flickering out.

Crawling back to her, using every last ounce of his strength. Letting his own life force flow into her, because he doesn't matter – he will _never_ matter more than her, _never_, she deserves this life far more than he does –

And for one blissful moment, it all makes sense. All that he's done has led him to this moment, her eyes filled with such love, his name on her lips and her warm kiss.

This is it. He can let go now, and he does.

But the wound his absence leaves in her soul hurts more than the hole ripped through him right now. Without the two of them, together, the long-sought after balance in the Force is lost.

The vision ends, Rey's voice clear in his mind as she calls out to the Force with everything she has.

_Heal him. Heal the wounds that I have given him._

With all the gentleness he has come to associate with her Force signature, the gash in his stomach seals shut, flesh knitting back together. It's as if the hole was never there. He inhales, eyes flying up to meet hers. This girl – this wild, fierce, beautiful girl – has saved him.

_Why?_ He doesn't understand.

"I did want to take your hand," she says, rain and tears mixing on her cheek. "_Ben's_ hand."

She stands. Determination crosses her features, and she takes a step back, turning towards his ship.

Ben panics. He cannot let her go; not again. Not after what he has just seen. Not after his mother –

"Rey."

Her shoulders instantly tense, but she turns back to him.

"Did you…_see_ that?"

She mustn't have. If she had experienced the same vision as he did, surely she wouldn't be leaving him here. Would she?

Her brows furrow in confusion. "See what?"

Relief fills him. So it's not set in stone, then. If she didn't see it, there's still time to change it – still time to make things _right_ for Rey. For the galaxy. "A vision," he says, trying to stop himself from trembling. "You can't go to Exegol alone."

She frowns, swiping tears from her cheek. His mother's death pounds like a headache in the Force, hurting Rey nearly as much as it hurts him.

"If you do, we'll – we'll only – " He breaks off abruptly, unable to find the words to explain. Impatient with himself, his next words are sharp. "Let me show you."

She considers it – considers _him_ – for several moments. Finally, she nods, reaching out a hand to him. He forces himself to stand and pulls off his right glove. The moment their fingers touch, the bond flares, his vision pouring into her mind.

Rey gasps, her grip on his hand tightening. "Ben," she whispers, more tears filling her eyes. "That was _my_ vision. You and I, fighting against a great evil. You…."

Even without words, he knows what she is saying. Their bond tells him clearly: _You are so full of light. So beautiful. So __**brave.**_

He takes a sharp breath. "Not brave enough to follow that path."

She squeezes his hand, eyes never leaving his. "No; you are _braver._ Because you'd rather take the unknown path, even though it may end the same way."

"It can't," he says vehemently. "The balance is too important. And you – Rey, I can't let you suffer like that. I can't leave you on your own, with a broken bond." The words have tumbled out of him before he can swallow them back. It's not a question of whether he means them; it's revealing so much of his heart too soon that worries him. He is terrified that the depth of his feelings for her will cause her to pull away, especially considering how alone she has been all these years.

"One of us is not enough," he continues. "Not against Palpatine. But together, we can defeat him."

"Two that are one," she murmurs, repeating his earlier explanation of the nature of their Dyad. Has it really only been a few hours since Kijimi? It feels like a lifetime. Maybe it _has_ been a lifetime, considering his vision.

Rey still hasn't let go of his hand.

Ben's heart, cracked and still mottled with darkness, can't help but feel a sliver of hope.

"Like the mosaic on Ach-To," she continues, more to herself than him, realization suddenly lighting her eyes. "Not light _or_ dark, but light _with_ dark, and dark with light. Two, together, to make a whole."

"Balance," he agrees, "through us."

Rey nods decisively. "But Palpatine…in your vision, he draws power from our bond. How are we to stop that from happening?"

Behind them, a wave crashes against the Death Star, drenching them further. Ben tugs on Rey's hand, leading her behind a piece of raised metal to shield them from the brunt of the storm. Before he can stop himself, he says the first thing that comes to his mind. "Cut off his hands?"

For a moment, a dark satisfaction fills her eyes, but it is quickly replaced with cool detachment. As if her grandfather's demise would mean nothing to her – even after he murdered her parents. As if she truly is the Jedi she pretends to be.

But Ben knows her better than that. He can sense the pain in her, the stifled need for revenge, the hate that is growing for this phantom come alive from the past. Above all, he can sense her fear: fear of herself, fear of how her ancestry will affect her friends.

"Maybe," she concedes.

He nods. "You don't have to. I'll do it." It will be the least questionable thing he has done in years.

"Okay." Rey glances down at their hands, as if she has suddenly remembered that they are still clinging to each other. She doesn't blush or let go, though. Instead, she looks at him defiantly, daring him to refuse her affection. "So what do we do now?"

"We go back to your friends, try to explain some of this."

She scrunches her nose. "They won't understand."

"They won't," he agrees, "but we'll need all the resources we have, both Resistance and First Order, to destroy Palpatine's Final Order."

Hux can't be the only Resistance sympathizer in the group. As for those like Pryde, well…Kylo Ren has never had time for traitors.

"Once we talk to them, I'll send a message of the same kind back to base," she says. "Do we still have time before we need to get to Exegol?"

"About twelve standard hours. We'll go to my ship, so I can arrange things there, and then we can clean up and rest."

Rey nods. Just like in Snoke's throne room, things seem to fall into place perfectly when they are working together. It's as if they share one mind.

_Isn't that true?_ he thinks. _We're a Dyad, inseparable. _

"Can you keep Palpatine from finding out our plan?"

The corner of his mouth twists in an almost-smile. "I've been practicing my shields. He can only see what I allow him to."

"_Good._ I don't want him in your head."

Ben looks at her, bewildered by the conviction in her voice. Why does it matter so much to her?

She growls in frustration, answering his unspoken question. "Because – " She stops speaking, but her thought drifts between them anyway._ I want him to __**suffer**__ for all the years he has hurt you._

His eyes widen. All his life, no one has defended him like that – like he matters. He cannot comprehend how Rey, with all her light and power, could care this much for him.

"We should go," he finally says, his voice thick.

Hand in hand, they make their way back across the Death Star's slippery surface.

* * *

His quarters are a bright, blinding white. When Rey had come here earlier in search of the Sith dagger and Chewie's belongings, she hadn't had time to process just how surprising this was. She had expected darkness, heavy draperies, everything covered in red or black, the usual colors of the First Order. Instead, she is presented with glaring white and blue, so much light that she must squint until her eyes adjust.

"You should get some rest."

Rey turns to face him. "So should you."

He nods, removing his gloves and leaving them on a small table by the door, next to his lightsaber. "The 'fresher's just through there. You can take it first."

"I don't have extra clothes." She rubs her arms, already feeling the chill of such a large ship. _No wonder he's always covered from head to toe,_ she thinks. _It's freezing in here._

Ben immediately goes to a set of drawers built into the wall, rifling through one of them and grabbing a large, plain black sweater. He hands it to her wordlessly.

"Thank you," Rey murmurs.

She washes up quickly, not wanting to keep him from his own 'fresher. She may be just as rain-drenched as he is, but _he _is the one who suffered a major wound mere hours ago. By her own hand, no less. The moment she is done, she hurries back out so that he can take his turn.

She is seated on the edge of his bed, twisting her fingers in the long sleeves of his sweater, when he emerges twenty minutes later. She can't help but give him a half-smile when he approaches. "We match."

He glances down at his own attire; he wears an exact copy of the sweater he gave her, and they both wear pants that are cropped just above the ankle. The only difference is the color – hers are white, his are black. "Almost."

Silence settles over them. Rey gazes around the room, still trying to take in all she can about the way Ben lives. She can feel him watching her as she does so.

"I sent Hux to the _Falc–_ to the ship," he corrects, nearly choking on the name of his father's freighter. "A general for the last Jedi. Not exactly an even exchange, but it'll do."

Rey laughs. "I hope that he enjoys his time there."

The corner of Ben's mouth twitches, as if he is trying to suppress a smirk. She thinks of the way he had smiled in his vision – fully, all teeth, the corners of his eyes crinkling with joy.

Will she ever get to see that smile in real life?

She reaches out a hand to him before she can convince herself otherwise. His eyes flick down to it, just as they had that night on Ach-To. Through their bond, she can feel his uncertainty, his fear that she will only leave again after he has allowed her to take up more space in his heart.

"I'm not going anywhere," she says quietly.

Slowly, he lifts his hand to meet hers. She reaches forward with her other hand, clasping his between both of hers. With a gentle tug, she directs him to the space beside her. He sits on the edge of his bed, his shoulder brushing hers.

He takes a deep breath. "Rey…I'm not him. The man you saw in my vision – that's not me."

He meets her eyes, and she can see all his emotions swirling there: pain, longing, fear… and _hope_.

She smiles softly. "Not yet." Looking at him now, she wonders –

"Wait, your scar!" she exclaims. It had still been there hours ago, the familiar line cutting across his cheek and over his eyebrow. Now, his face is unmarred by her attack from last year. "What happened?"

He looks at her curiously. "Didn't you hear yourself on Kef Bir?"

She shakes her head. What is he talking about?

"Heal the wounds that I have given him," he quotes. He gestures to his face with his free hand. "The Force answered you."

"Huh." Rey continues to look at him in amazement. "I didn't know that it would heal _old_ wounds."

"Neither did I."

"Do you know what's bothering me, though?"

He tilts his head, a silent invitation for her to continue.

"Why didn't I see the vision, too?"

Ben returns her gaze for several moments without speaking. As always, the intensity in his eyes seems to pin her in place. It is as if he can see straight through her, down to her soul. _Maybe he can, _she thinks. _Maybe that is what being a Dyad in the Force means. _

"Because it was my choice," he finally says. "I could have taken that path, even though it would end in my death. The Force did not want you to exist without me – for the balance to be lost – but it was willing to let me go, if that was the end I chose for myself." He laughs; it is a bitter sound, full of pain. "Just this once, it decided to play nice with me."

"But you _didn't_ choose that as your ending. Instead, you…you came back."

"For you."

He says it so simply, as if it is the easiest decision he has ever made. As if telling her so comes as naturally to him as breathing.

The little girl who was abandoned on Jakku can't quite understand this.

Then again, she wasn't exactly abandoned, was she?

As always, he senses the line of her thoughts. He winces. "Rey, there's something you should know."

She doesn't like the sound of that.

"What I told you, about being a Palpatine…" He sighs, slowly easing his hand out of her grip and standing. He rakes a hand through his hair as he moves away from her. "It's not true."

"_What?"_

He keeps his back turned to her, his shoulders hunched as he continues to speak. "Palpatine told me that you were his granddaughter, but something about it seemed _wrong_ to me. I couldn't place what it was. But when you were in the 'fresher, I looked at the Sith dagger. There was so much _darkness_ surrounding it in the Force. I tried to clear it away." He takes a deep breath. "With the light."

Rey knows she is repeating herself. But all of this information that has come her way over the past few days is just _too much. _"You _what?_"

"Palpatine was lying to me – to _you_. He infused the dagger with so much of his power that he could make us see whatever he chose. I accidentally unraveled the story he had woven into it when I used the light." Ben turns to face her. "I'm sorry, Rey. I lied to you, even though I didn't mean to."

She shakes her head. "My parents…they weren't…"

"No."

Anger builds in her slowly, until it is a tidal wave so large that she feels she is drowning. "So they really did leave me," she says through gritted teeth. Her eyes begin to burn, but she blinks furiously to keep herself from crying. "No one ever wanted me."

"_I've_ always wanted you," he says, voice suddenly desperate.

"You wanted to rule the galaxy more than you wanted me. I'm nothing, remember?"

In only two strides, he is before her once more. He kneels, tilting his head so that she can't avoid his eyes. "You are everything_, _Rey. _Everything._"

The words ring true in their bond. Still, she asks, "Then why would you try to turn me to the dark side?"

"I didn't think I had a choice. Palpatine wanted you dead, and I knew I couldn't kill you. I thought that I could at least have you by my side, if you were dark." His jaw moves in that way of his, his emotions struggling to become words. "But it wouldn't be _you_," he finishes.

What can she say to that?

"You used the light?" she asks instead, wondering if Ben will be frustrated by her change in subject. There is still so much to say, to feel, but she doesn't want to think about any of it right now.

He understands. His voice is quiet, uncertain. "I did."

Rey lifts a hand to his cheek, the one that once bore the mark of her anger, and runs her thumb along what would have been the line of his scar. "I was wrong, Ben. You already are the man in your vision, whether you believe it or not. Kylo Ren is dead."

Without warning, he surges forward, wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his face in her stomach. She is so shocked that for several moments, she doesn't know what to do. As always, though, she follows her heart. She returns his embrace, holding him as tightly as he holds her. His shoulders shake with silent sobs.

"Tell me what to do," he pleads, voice muffled by her sweater.

"You know what you have to do."

"But I don't know if I have the strength to do it, Rey. I don't know how to be Ben Solo."

"You _are_ Ben Solo. It's not something you have to be. There aren't any rules on how you should think, or how you should act." She tentatively places one hand on his head, her fingers gently combing through his dark hair. "Just be yourself, Ben."

He shudders and holds her even tighter.

Rey isn't sure how long they stay that way. In this bright place, it feels like time doesn't exist at all. Slowly, Ben begins to relax, his shoulders lowering and his tears subsiding. Just when she thinks he may have fallen asleep in her arms, he speaks.

"It's not like flipping a switch." He lifts his head. His eyes are still red from crying. "I'm not going to suddenly be all light, Rey. There's still darkness in me."

She brushes his hair back from his forehead. "I know. But I've learned to love people _for_ their darkness, not in spite of it."

"That's not something the Jedi would teach you."

"I didn't learn it form the Jedi. I learned it from you."

Ben looks at her in wonder. "You…" _You love me?_ he asks through their bond, unable to form the words aloud.

Slowly, Rey leans forward. She knows how she feels about Ben, and she is fairly certain that she knows how Ben feels about her. Still, a lifetime of loneliness has made her wary.

She doesn't need to be wary with him, though. Ben meets her halfway, that same hope from before shining in his eyes before they close – and then she is kissing him. Around them, the Force settles, peaceful, as if it is sighing in relief. A rush of longing and affection pour from his end of the bond to hers, accompanied by half-formed thoughts that trip over themselves in his mind. _Rey, love, still a monster, so sorry, home, safe, Rey, mine, love, don't deserve it, want this, want her, don't care what happens – _

_I love you, _she interrupts him. _None of it matters to me. You're here, and you're going to be okay. __**We're**__ going to be okay._

They pull away, and he nods, pressing her tightly in another embrace.

"Come up here," she urges, nudging his leg with her foot. He has been kneeling on the ground for so long that he must be in pain. He releases her and rises, tapping her shoulder with a finger and motioning to his pillow with his chin. She lies down on her side, leaving just enough room for him to do the same and face her. He rests one arm across her waist, his hand brushing her back comfortingly.

Exhausted, they quickly fall into a dreamless, peaceful sleep.

* * *

They defeat Palpatine together.

Ben's crackling red saber crosses Rey's, creating an "x" of pure energy – backed by the power of their Dyad – that tears the old Sith apart. They fall to their knees, side by side, the voices of Jedi past ringing through the Force in congratulations.

"You've restored the balance," a young man says. Ben knows with a certainty he cannot explain that this, at last, is Anakin Skywalker, the grandfather he begged to guide him all his life. "Well done, Ben. Well done, Rey."

At those words, the light surrounds and fills Ben, giving his heart a weightlessness that he has never known. The darkness is still there, lingering behind in the shadows of his soul, but it has far less strength than ever before.

_Palpatine is gone,_ Ben thinks, filled with immense relief. _All the voices in my head – they're gone. I'm free._

He is alone in his own mind for the very first time.

Well, not _completely_ alone. Rey's golden, warm presence is woven into his being, but he wouldn't trade it for the galaxy.

She turns to him now, all that warmth clear in her eyes as she smiles the biggest smile he has ever seen. "Ben."

Then she is kissing him, just as she had in his vision – like he is _good_ and worthy of her love. And maybe he is. Maybe he deserves this happiness after all. He immediately kisses her back, his head spinning.

When they break apart, Ben grins for the first time in ten years. He laughs, pressing his forehead to Rey's.

_I love you, _he thinks, letting it fill their bond. _I love you, I love you, I love you._

"I love you, too," Rey whispers. Tears of joy stream down her face.

The first rumbles of the planet's destruction fill the cavern, the ground beneath them shaking as the Resistance's bombs begin to go off. They have to meet Chewie and Lando at the rendezvous point in only a few minutes.

Leaning heavily on each other, they force themselves to their feet. "Let's go home, Ben," Rey says, still smiling.

Home.

Ben lets her lead him there.


End file.
